The sleepless nights when battling against anxiety.

Posted by Eric Huff on

Anxiety is "a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome".

For those of you who know me well, know that I had been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Severe Depression when I was a teenager. When you begin to really think about it, most people diagnosed with this Mental Disadvantage were more than likely showing symptoms in their early teen years? Why is that?

I am no doctor or expert but what I can do is speak on my experiences and give the reasons why I believe that is. As teenagers we are faced with many challenges to overcome, like finding where we fit in, going through puberty, getting good grades and then on top of that some teenagers don't have a good home life, so in return the environment you put yourself in makes the neurons weak and you prevent them from wiring together so now you have created an imbalance of your chemical pattern. This is only the beginning, you now have the rest of your life to deal with this thing known as ANXIETY?? Doesn't that word alone just bring dark clouds over your head?

If my outcome was different as a teenager, I am not sure if I would have eventually developed anxiety? For example; Growing up I had a best friend at the time who later decided he no longer wanted to be friends, him and another kid began picking on me, calling me gay, just doing whatever do bring me down as a human being. I can't say if those events didn't occur that I wouldn't struggle with anxiety, there is no way of really knowing. But based on my experiences with negative people I can tell you that people don't understand the impact their words or actions have on other people. I get it, we were kids, we don't know better....BULL FU***NG SHIT, if you are capable of making decisions and knowing right from wrong then that saying "they are only kid", is just a poor excuse for someone else not taking OWNERSHIP over that BULLY they raised. This may hit home, but even the #BULLY is a #VICTIM, let me say that again, even the BULLY is a VICTIM, the truth is that statement alone shouldn't make any sense but it does because the bully inherited their negative attitude of others from someone. 

So now here we are as adults facing our anxiety head on every FUC**NG day. And if you too suffer a Mental Disorder you know how impossible day to day life can seem, it becomes a chore not to let your mental disorder control you everyday operations. For me, my #anxiety likes to play head games and makes me second guess myself most of the time. If something doesn't go my way or line up to my expectations, you become overwhelmed and flooded with a surge of different emotions that ultimately cause you to be in PANIC MODE. Luckily for me I have only had 1 major panic attack, normally mine are minor and I do know some people have major attacks every time their anxiety levels are increased. And I pray for them that they can manage to cope or find ways to prevent those episodes. 

I believe the worse part about having an #Anxiety #Disorder is when it's time to go to sleep, unless you're really tired and can pass out immediately, good luck trying to fall asleep. I know with me, I am constantly battling with thoughts prior to sleep and because your anxiety enjoys playing mind games, whatever response you get from your thoughts are likely what you to believe is the answer, no one is there to answer on behalf of your thoughts, especially if you have a spouse who is next to you in bed, God forbid you tell them the thoughts running through your head, so you are safer to ignore them and try to fall asleep, someone who doesn't have a mental disorder will never know why one would have the thoughts you are having at bed time. 

In conclusion, don't let your #mentaldisorder define you, rather learn to live and deal with it. There our several coping mechanism out there to help you get through any dark times your facing, also don't be afraid to take medication for it. Medications do help, they are developed by highly trained doctors and medicine experts, some  may or may not be the right one for you, it's a trial and error process to determine the right one for you.

*Yoga or meditation is a good source to find balance and cope with your anxiety


"Stay Blessed & Be Positive"